Letters From Home
by thecivilunrest
Summary: After Freddie dies he gets some letters from home.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the tv show iCarly. **

_Letters From Home_

Dear Freddie,

We miss you, we all miss you. It's still unbelievable that someone like you could just do this. That someone young like you can just _die. _It's hard to imagine.

I don't know what to do or what to say, but the doctor told me that doing this would cleanse out everything. I think it has, somewhat. It's nice talking to you one last time. I'm going to miss you, but that's natural.

You were like the little brother that I never had (but always wanted). Freddie, you were so smart, so funny, so all around wonderful. I just wanted you to know that. I'm going to go now, because I can't take much more of this.

I'm so glad that you were a part of my life, little brother.

-Spencer

.&.

Dear Freddie,

Hey, it's Carly, but you probably know that already. The physiatrist that my brother Spencer has been making Sam and I got to told us that this exercise would be a good way to let go of you, a good way to let go of our feelings. I don't know if it's going to work or not, but I thought that it was worth a try. You should be getting a letter from everyone, even Sam, but I'm not sure. You might not. She's being difficult about this whole thing, if you can imagine that.

But Freddie, no one wanted you to go. We miss you so much. I'm pretty sure that no one expected this. We had no idea that this was going to happen to one did.

We aren't doing iCarly anymore. We can't do it without our awesome tech producer. It just wouldn't feel right.

I think I'm doing okay now. I'm getting better and better every day. At first it was so hard to think about you not being alive anymore, but the pain has numbed some. It has not gone away, but it will never go away I don't think. I'm glad that I have had Spencer to help me get through this.

There were so many people that came to your funeral. You should have seen it! You would have been amazed. Even Lubert came, which I think surprised everyone.

All of our friends miss you, especially your AV Club friends. You were so loved, Freddie, so loved. You will be missed.

The person who is taking this the hardest is Sam. She would probably kill me if she knew I was telling you this but when we first found out she was as stoic as a rock. She wouldn't speak, or eat, or anything. But when your Mom came over and started talking about your funeral preparations she snapped. First she told your mom off for being 'stupid' and then she told us all that you were just pretending, that this was just your next dork brained move.

And then she started sobbing, because she knew that that wasn't true.

It's still so hard to think of you as dead, to not be able to go to your house and know you'd want to see me. It's hard thinking that you will never walk through my door again, and that we will never do another iCarly show. You will never geek out about another computer or something again.

I'm going to miss you, Freddie. And I want you to know that I loved you, and still do, like a brother. Thanks for everything.

Love,

Carly

.&.

Dear Fredward,

They're making me do this. That's the reason I'm writing this. I don't want to be, but I am. Carly is staring me down from the couch making sure that I am actually writing this and not just doodling on the paper like I was doing before. This is all that stupid shrink's fault.

It's just, I don't want to do this, Freddie. I don't want to have to acknowledge the fact that you're gone at all. It's easier pretending that you're on some kind of extended vacation or something, you know?

Because I don't want you to be dead. I don't want you to be dead at all. I don't want to pretend like I'm getting better, or that by writing this letter I'm talking to you because I know I'm not. I am not getting better, because there is no way to get better from this. You've died, Freddie, and you've taken a piece of you with me.

I don't know how it happened. I don't know when it happened. But you did. You've stolen a part of me, and I want it back. I want it back RIGHT NOW but I can't have it back. It's unreturnable, at it is also all yours, whether you want it or not.

I want you back here. I want you to be sitting next to me so I can hit you and call you a dork. But if I really got you back I wouldn't do those things anymore.

You know, when you first died I started bargaining with God. I told Him that if we got you back I wouldn't be mean to you anymore, that I wouldn't be violent. I told Him that if I could see you just one more time that I would never steal or swear or anything like that ever again. I even told him that I would become a nun.

But it didn't work. I should have known that it wouldn't. Doing that sort of thing never does.

When you were with me I should have treated you better. I should have let you know how much you meant to me. Because, honestly Freddie, you meant more to me than I ever let anyone know, even you.

I understand that now I have to let the people that I care about know that I care about them. I don't want something like this to happen again. So thank you for teaching me that.

I think I've written enough now for Carly to get off my back. So I'm going to stop.

Goodbye. Forever

Sam


End file.
